it's the 8th day of my trip here in chicago. staying with my family and in the room i suffered my early formative years. time seems to seep away slowly. i feel energetically drained. when i first arrived with a defiant attitude to uphold my equilibrium. it's a vortex where all energy becomes neutral...i'm just a body brewing in dark black tea of thoughts. I ask myself, why do i do this? come here and force myself to survive this enivronment. after a lot of thought it occurs that it's the only way to really confront where i came from. i fled from this place 9 years ago and the only way i can feel that i'm not still running and hiding, is to come back. and to see if for what it really is and by doing so i can really move ahead with my true desires. i've worked so hard to manifest my own happiness and i can see now how far i've come. the guilt has shed slowly and has now run dry. what a releif. thinking of montreal, people that will be writhing with life, imbibed and drunk on life, embodying it in dance and deep layered sound will be the extreme opposite of where i am now. it makes me almost want to cry, and i'm sure that i will. i can't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment