back...after a long departure.

Wow a long time since an entry...busy busy busy with life, school, festival activities, many new responsibilities, balancing all these varied aspects in my life is overwhelming and exhilarating at different times. it's a true test of my mental ability to rationalize all that i busy myself with. people are strange, always occupying themselves with random activities that fulfill some kind of need or purpose in our lives which we don't always know what for.

A relaxing trip out to wide open land, warm weather, hot springs, campfire and stones helps ground me before the festival and last few months of school. A major growing operation takes over tony and my houses with the bitter, briney and tart, pickled smell of fresh sprouted seeds. I am totally fascinated with them...they are like new and exciting friends. everyday they grow a little bit...and reveal their potential to grow into beautiful little green things...My crash course into sprouting has been one of the most fulfilling experiences yet.

Clay, coconut oil, rosewater, honey, tea, algae, figs, mung bean, lentils, mustard, amaranth, kamut, quinoa and cress...these are the delicious things in my life right now...what beautiful full words! I try to always remember that feeling of fresh fruits and flowers falling from the sky. I think it's in MEXICO...hmmmm.....

MEXICO CITY

One week in the supposed most populated city in the World and I am filled with an overwhelming amount of strength and energy! A combination of encountered visions and tastes, wonderful guides Sienna and Arturo, and Mutek Mexico make the trip illuminating and provides a fluid and consistent progression. Stazione Indianilla, the power plant turned art space churns out the deepest bass and clear space. Skoltz Kolgens performance of excerps of Silent Room is rich and dripping with clear blue electricity. The Aztec ruins in the Zocalo churn and cycle with rhythm, music, and artisans. The courtyard outside of Siennas flat sounds: violin practice, dog barking, cars, kitchen noises from Laura's apartment above...we drink, dance and are merry indeed.

art and science

!!!! the planetarium show was fantastic! Sawako's performance was clean and delicate like fine gauze and tiny star showers. white, lavender, gray, pink. i am inspired to tap into the unlimited capacity of learning to open up all the possibilities in imagination. the seemingly difficult part is being a part of the local landscape and not getting discouraged, but being more inventive. the labs at belmar are a beautiful space constructed of glass and steel beams and big clean open rooms, but in Jefferson county....some of the art left something to be desired.

ma souer

having my sister in town for 6 days helped me take advantage of the last days of summer before classes begin. we spent three days out in the mountain air, getting to know the moss and the wildflowers. i went on my favorite hike up in eldora, which i realized i hadn't been to in 3 years! there is a rough dirt road that leads to the trailhead and only until this year have i had a decent enough vehicle to drive down that dirt road full of aspens and rocks to the most gorgeous granitem moss and waterfall riddled trail. we were able to tap into each other's memories and recollect small details from growing up together. as children our imaginations were excercised constantly,, creating an imaginary world together that in retrospect implied some very interesting psychological representations. most prominent being the small gray puppet squirrel, Jake, who i got in 3rd grade as a birthday gift. we had created a whole story about his background and his personality traits as a sarcastic and crude little creature. we also related on certain aspects of our childhood which no one else in the world could know. it was all very intense and processing such things left me feeling spent in one way and energized in another.

summer dreams

time continues to pass in varied forms. last weekend i went up to red feather lakes to visit a friend at the shambala mountain center. the weather changed throughout the day, apparantly the rain follows a certain lady that was visiting. walking around is calming, i confront a bound feeling in my chest...not unfamiliar. the 600 acres of land are open and vast, each step carries weight...sun than rain, than hail, than sun.

dix jours

it has been 10 days since i returned from my trip to RI visiting this amazing art studio. an incredibly intelligent, humble and generous duncan, http://www.duncanlaurie.com, welcomed me into his space where several of his guest artists/friends helped me aquire certain skills for composing moving visuals. the ocean air with accompanying sounds of seagulls and deep clang of buoys created the most beautiful and misty interlude into the evening for the magic hours for playing with light and images. with a handfull of mixed clips collected over the past two years, i was able to play with such an incredible range of aesthetic effects, filters and layers. the translucent veil of color and light from projections into a large open space was quite a release of tension from the mental muddiness of a routine life. upon the transition back to denver, i found that i had a different approach to everyday life. keeping things mixed up and not allowing myself to be attached, ten days has somehow stretched in my own comprehension to encompass a variety of experiences! not just another week slipped by....this can be a technique to practice. a lot of nice things happen, positive exchanges, allowing things to pass through me and bring me to the next...

woke up to bbq smells...

today is 4th of july, so no errand running today. i have recently left my service job and so now have a lot of time but little funds. however, even the small amount of food i'm able to purchase and cook myself, tastes good. so the ideas run wild, crafting, making fashion accessories is fun, but hasn't proven lucrative as of yet. the work of going out there, self promoting, selling my wares will happen tommorow and in the next few weeks. many ideas fill in this open vast space of relaxed summer thinking. many things have changed dramatically for me. since the art show on the 23rd, the lid burst open and shits just plain crazy! but i fall asleep with a smile on my face, optomistic and feel that things are as they should be.

returned to denver several weeks ago from mutek and chicago. it's been a lot of processing of experience and situation. it didn't live up to last years festival in my mind...however, i arrived with great expectations, which could have had something to do with it. the visual aspect of the festival seemed to lack inspiration from real living experience minus a few like Randy Jones. It all seemed more slicked and hip. anyways, instead of being dissapointed, i realize that experience is what it is. Upon my return to denver, everything spilled out and fell into place. my need to get my hands on real materials, wood, string, wire, paint, glue, lights...was the relief i needed from being displaced physically and mentally for a few weeks. I returned changed as one always does when departing and returning. relationships like phone wires in the sun....tension adjusts according to environmental conditions. family ties a little stronger, but at the same time more relaxed. upon completion of this art project with the clean sweet smell of poplar wood and illuminating small round windows with blue and red light, and small birds, i feel like i can relax and greet my new self.

rainy day

so far the the thunder and lightning have offered some relief from the hot and humid suburban torture. the rain helps my allergies a little. i spend the day as the guardian passenger to my 15 yr old sister while she logs her driving hours as a new driver. she's a busy girl....from violin lesson, to audition, to party and another party. i spend the day alone in my parents house playing around with the piano, clocks, and any other object of interest...video/sound recording and still images. a small dose of creative moments makes today allright. i prepare a meal for myself of lemon caper noodles with sea scallops and eat alone in the quiet with only the sound of the second hand of the clock.

you can't go home again...

it's the 8th day of my trip here in chicago. staying with my family and in the room i suffered my early formative years. time seems to seep away slowly. i feel energetically drained. when i first arrived with a defiant attitude to uphold my equilibrium. it's a vortex where all energy becomes neutral...i'm just a body brewing in dark black tea of thoughts. I ask myself, why do i do this? come here and force myself to survive this enivronment. after a lot of thought it occurs that it's the only way to really confront where i came from. i fled from this place 9 years ago and the only way i can feel that i'm not still running and hiding, is to come back. and to see if for what it really is and by doing so i can really move ahead with my true desires. i've worked so hard to manifest my own happiness and i can see now how far i've come. the guilt has shed slowly and has now run dry. what a releif. thinking of montreal, people that will be writhing with life, imbibed and drunk on life, embodying it in dance and deep layered sound will be the extreme opposite of where i am now. it makes me almost want to cry, and i'm sure that i will. i can't wait.

unlucky...but still warm.

a warm summer approaches! time outside in the warm hot sun and boosts the creativity. from craft lace, feather jewelry and teacups and all things translucent and glassy! strange dreams, allergies, mysterious happenings some unlucky...keeps my head in check.

broken windows at DAVA today which means that all the funds from the big luncheon gets put towards fixing those instead of a fieldtrip for the kids.

works in progress

recent works in progress...weather warms, spring cleans, preparation....

pollen

breezy and contemplative friday going from place to place picking up materials, books, good bread and some bee pollen as the sun bares all. my day off feels like a moment to moment fascination with all that happens in a day. my room is covered in colored paper having snipped, sliced, and diced crepe paper to make flowers for saturdays music event at trilogy with special guest FAX from Mexico. inspired by nature, i scramble about letting materials pass through my hands and building my webs, instinctual production of intake and output. green straw, dust, piercing patterns of reality, automatic, intentional, so calm every moment embibed with emotional and energetic exchange. even down to the delicious sicilian olives and red wax gouda cheese. the tactile music in my head and in my REM sleep, train rails, clip clops, raindrops, spiderwebs, surface tension.

closed out at zero....

today was rather productive...DAVA was great today working on live performance skits with the kids. we had apples for snacktime. a lot of projection of self to networks all over today. small synchronicities occur throughout the day...an old forest grows into the current. touch on many different creative mediums throughout the evening. talk of the electronic arts festival in boulder in 2008 and other projects get my blood running. this doorknob image is from a roll of 35mm film shot in 2005 in my first post graduate housing. the balance of the digital vs. analog is consistant for me.

images float...

attempting to cover all bases slowly. get some video work done...playing a little music. 4 days off of work inspires a surge of creative energy.

translucent porcelain...

woke up early this morning...little before 6 am to help my honey bear open up the coffee shop. the sky was dark, and it was cooold. getting ready to work on painting a door this week, so trying to conjure up images of curly and scalloped dark mystery. cafe culture. now gaining access from a few angles, tom may work at saint marks, me at city o'city and devin at cafe roma. there are a lot of things that i need to accomplish this year. i'm always in anticipation of things to come, all the while, taking a deep breath trying to relax above it all.

strawberry springs

took my new used little truck on an adventure to steamboat springs colorado. me and devin packed only a few things, including our new fm3 buddha box...a crunchy sounding little handheld device that plays 9 ambient loops continuously until the batteries die. the perfect sound for a desolate snowy log cabin. when we arrived we dipped into the hot geothermic waters while the snow, and mist diffused moonlight enveloped the senses.

teacups on windowsill

been swept up in many aspects of life. took the art show down from the cafe and happy to have a warm house to come home to. have been spending more time in boulder to visit honey bears. the cold has forced me to relax and move a little slower, with more ease but still moving around a lot. lentil soup with radishes and buttered toast...pasta...lots of tea. my new enfatuation with lapsang souchong. a cup of fire cut with a little soy cream and agave does very nice.

meanwhile...it might be raining in calcutta.

h.

away from home...

i spent a week with family in chicago and california. since than, camera has been on the fritz. i receive many emotions many gifts. when i return to my life in denver, it's the same but also different. the lines between reality and imagination always blurs during trips. i gain a lot of perspective and return a changed person. i appreciate all aspects of my life. working on many projects...painting again, films, writing and finally getting together some momentum on the video editing.

tuesday

my day started with singing liz phair songs in the shower. i slept in my sisters 800 thread count sheets and woke up to meet my good friend kara. she is learning about acupuncture and chinese herbs and has a sweet little boy named emiliano. she looks great and i'm happy to hear that she is in a supportive relationship with a boy from guatamala. emiliano's smile was infectious and he loves trains and chocolate donuts. i fell in love after he stared at me with his big glassy brown eyes and said my name. me and kara had a short catch up lunch before i had to take the train to the city. i felt sleepy and cold and the wheels under the seat next to mine was making this rusty grating noise against the tracks. it was horrific and interesting at the same time. once downtown, i attended a chamber music event with my dad and sister. the musicians were a trio from vienna. wolfgang redik-violin, matthias gredler-cello, stefan mendl-piano...the event took place for a high society women's club. upon entering the caterers looked less than enthused to be carrying small silver trays with little petite toasts and caviar around to the twittering socialites. it was very proper and fancy and we were out of place...the youngest and most not white in the audience. the music was lovely however. the cello had the most fantastic ring and the violin was on loan from the austrian nat'l bank and is from 1772! it's funny to have contact with the classical music world and also with the contemporary electronic music scene. they seem to be getting to a place of convergence in my own mind anyways. i was sitting in the audience wondering if anyone around me was going to have a heart attack and fall out of their seat...no disrespect. spending time in downtown chicago is a rush. my eyes dart from person to person, window to window...sizing them up in a 3 second glance, everyone here wears black leather or wool coats and walks with determination...there are some totally ridiculous things being sold here. sticks shaped into pumpkin like wicker decorations from crate and barrel, the most ugly man sweater in the world probably a few hundred dollar worth of heinous. couples wearing matching designer winter scarves and coats walk together with very satisfied looks on their faces. parking for 5hrs is 23 dollars.